What Cheers Me Up

The very idea of night is frightening because in France I've come to loath night because it means a painful, fitfull sleep, darkness, quiet and then sudden creaks, etc. etc. And so I always come on the computer and spend endless amounts of time on it because I am putting off sleep as long as possible so that when I finally do go to bed I am tired and more likely to fall asleep quickly and put off the pain that is lying in my bed and not feeling like reading but unable to sleep. It's those moments that make me need music and cheering up the most because not reading and not sleeping means thinking and thinking when I am in such a sorry state tends to lead to tears and so here is the song that generally brings me back together. (as much as possible!!) Because I need it. Thanks Emma for bringing it to me.

When you feel all alone

And the world has turned its back on you

Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart

I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you

Its hard to find relief and people can be so cold

When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you cant take anymore

Let me be the one you call

If you jump Ill break your fall

Lift you up and fly away with you into the night

If you need to fall apart

I can mend a broken heart

If you need to crash then crash and burn

Youre not alone

A little dramatic yes, but perfect to help me feel "mended" as sappy and cheesy as that sounds. Anyhow, putting off sleep has been fun and all but I do feel a little tired so I'll go do all the necessary pre-sleep rituals that have become part of my life and think about tomorrow and then sleep. I'm excited because tomorrow I have gym and French and English and I get to go home at noon and do, yaaay, Canadian math homework...funfunfun!! Atleast I get a break though and an afternoon to just do some homework clean up a bit and relax and listen to some good music will be welcome. I think the French no what they're doing when they organize a schedule and the year schedule too, yes it's a lot of work but you hardly realize it because you're so busy and it passes so quickly and days go by and you don't even realize they've passed. It's been almost exactly three weeks to the hour that since I left Canada and I feel like I've only just got here yet with school I feel like I've been going to the school all my life. It's strange really to think that what was thirteen weeks is now ten and they've planned almost back to back stuff to do in the next eight weeks so they'll pass and before I know it I'll be swimming in the pool in May and wishing so hard that I don't have to get on that plane.

Because, what time two tells me is that while I am truly Canadian (stop reading if sentimentality and mushiness disturbs you in any way shape or form) a huge part of me loves and belongs and respects France and the French and there is a desire to spend a good chunk of my life here, but definitly with my family. I would have loved to spend one full year living in France and living the French way with my family. I think that would have been amazing and I think now that I've had a huge dose of the South of France, my life has been greatly impacted and I shall truly be "different" when I go back to Canada.

Love you all and until tomorrow or the next day or the next!!!

<333jane