I don't wanna be anything other than what I've been trying to be baby

Knock yourselves out for the lyrics. You might have to google them, but for those who know Gavin DeGraw, I guess your search will be a little easier!!!
So, today was amazing, a wonderful cheery day, honestly going to school in France and being with my French friends is like candy!!!!! I hung out with Flo (Florian), Charlotte, Jeremie, Jeremie, Dannica, Kayla, Ceildih, Jamie and a bunch of guys that we played basketball with (today again!!). And sadly all the cute and/or hot guys have girlfriends. Tragedy!!! Well, anyway, I had fun eating and hanging out with them and just going crazy and enjoying a relatively easy cheery day. I am clinging to it even after Aurore's annoying "getting mad a jane rant" today. So, I am happy, I am making more friends of my own, hanging out with peopel in my class and being involved and it's really getting me out of any potential dark places which is nice. Now you must excuse me because I have an incredibly boring (but I really should be interested) book called No Logo by Naomi Klein that I have to finish for media class which is insanely long and crappy and filled with big words that ma tete francaise is having trouble dealing with!! So, I will go now and read my stupid book and do my troublesome math homework before I eat dinner and then I'll read after dinner until they all go to sleep and then put up my photo albums (some) and then watch an episode or two of "One Tree Hill" to get me into a nice relaxed place to give me a good sleep, I START A NINE TOMORROW!!! Hip hip hoorray for reasonable hours!! Also, Dannica said she would hang out with me tomorrow so tomorrow (a light course day) should be wonderfulllllllllll.

love you all♥♥

wow, three blogs in less than 24h, havent done that in awhile!!!

So, I really am an emotional roller coaster considering I am feeling extremely happy and cheery only hours after crying and feeling sick. The advil, oh thank god for that, kicked in recently and I finished my math and history which was very uplifting and then I listened to music, watched Prison Break with Aurore and thought about the week ahead of me, starting tomorrow, which made me incredibly cheerful!!! Now, I am in a brilliant mood (I honestly don't know how they come and go as they do) and looking forward to dinner, some more homework and then once everyone goes to sleep, watching some English Prison Break on my own for an hour before crawling into my own bed. Being in my newly cheery mood today allowed me to jump up and down and almost scream, holy crap it's APRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL, which...it really is!!!
Back to crappy mood...Aurore caught me crying on msn with mum earlier today and told her mother (which put into perspective for her my generally disinterested, quiet, agreeable moodt his morning) and caused her to give me a big hug and say it's hard and then have a long talk with me which started with me missing my family, went on to Morocco and then transgressed to how quickly this whole exchange is going to go once I start school this week (this weekend was my last "nothing" weekend) and then made it's way (honestly don't know how) to how Canadian schools tend to be more hardworking than French schools and how the French system is said to be better but really is worse and then how maybe the new President will change that but Sylvie really doubts it. All in all the last couple of hours have been immensely cheering and next week is busy. For example:
I have school Monday to Friday but Thursday I am going to the market to buy a lovely table cloth for my mother and peut-etre Anne, si elle est envie, and then Saturday we're painting the base coat for the pool (yes we're painting the pool), I have a soccer game, we're visiting Gordes and another small town and in the evening Sarah (big sis from Paris) arrives for Easter. Sunday we get to paint designs and pictures all over the pool and we are doing the whole "hide eggs" thing and celebrating Easter and I think maybe going to Nice, but I'm not sure. Also, we shall be going to the market Sunday morning. (I think) Then on Monday we have it off but I am not sure what we're doing but if it's nothing (although I doubt that) I shall probably dive into another chunk of school work to keep getting that done with. Then Tuesday to Friday we have school and Friday night we drive overnight to Morocco and spend the next two weeks there (it's such an elaborate trip, it takes us all over, through the desert and to every freaking corner of Morocco, very cool) and return on May 1st, which of course will make me scream with delight because...duh, it's May and it is the return month. So quite honestly, I feel like the "home stretch" starts tomorrow because of all the reasons above and although I know that it will still be hard with boring bits and fights with Aurore and Morocco can be really hard, it'll be easier because 1. Morocco is a new country and that will be lots of fun and 2. It's the home stretch, just knowing that is enough to keep me going.

So, much love to you all from a cheerier, happier Jane.
I promise that pictures and videos will be put up over the course of this week, I mean, I really do have to do it before I go to Morocco and become bombarded with more pictures and videos right??? Loveeeeeeeeeeeeeee <3

my old friend the blues =(

Today is shit, excuse me, today is crap.
I am crying, Aurore is being grumpy and obnoxious to boot, I feel sick and cold and I need to do some Canadian homework but I can't seem to make myself do the work. I need to be on Monday. I need to be at school, working, speaking, interacting. I need to be at Thursday so I can say I am at the halfway point and it's all uphill from there. I can't breath, I can't eat, I can't work. I think it's just fatigue, but I am feeling the strain of Canadina homework, other peoples relationships and the extra kilos that come with France. I can't walk because I live beside a highway type road and just sitting still and listening to my iPod doesn't do it anymore. I cannot even see the silver lining today, it's April Fools Day, it's the last full month, it's almost halfway and it's only 20 school days more and all I see is me crying and being tired and sick and wanting to dissolve into a comfortable bed, with a comfortable pillow, with a loud, blowing fan and some new, comforting music. I will do this and I will make it through this and tomorrow will be good and I will be happy and I will feel better, but right now, just now, I am revisiting how I felt when I first arrived, a feeling I thought I wouldn't have to revisit until my next voyage away from home and I guess it just goes to show that no matter what, it can always come back and you shouldn't write it off. So, I shall blog and post pictures and be cheery and happy and not depressing tomorrow when I can muster the strength. Now I am going to go lie in my bed and think about cheerful things and Canada and what there is to look forward to.
My love and happy April Fool's Day,
Sick*Jane

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYYYYYY

That is precisely why it's a beautiful day!!!

Well, aside from making you jealous it is not the only reason why it's (or was I guess) a beautiful day!!!

This morning I only had one, two hour geo class which was not excruciatingly painful and relatively easy to take, although I did develop a severe headache and fall asleep (whoooops) in class. Then I went out for crèpes (hence the photo) à la nutell and chantilly with Kayla and Ceilidh and then we went shopping and I either found gifts or found gift IDEAS, very important. I bought a lunch bag (how old am I?) but you have to understand that it is really cool over the shoulder lunch bag and it is very very funny and cute!!! Then I bought a bday pressie for mi amiga katie wilkes and some stuff for me and etc. etc. After I went out for a scrumdidilyumptious Panini at a quaint little bistro place with Kayla (Ceilidh ditched) and then headed back for a one hour singing class which made me laugh because the rendition of "Summer Lovin'" had me rolling in the aisles. I am also cheery because I came home and Mumma's second gorgeous package was there and I got the house to myself for two hours and I was all cheery from school and my walk home in the sun AND I had soccer and it was awesome AND I ate tomates farcée and it was oh so good AND tomorrow the Canadians are coming over for a glorified playdate and then on Sunday I might be going to the market with Ceilidh and then Wednesday I am taking the train in with the Canadians to go shopping (for clothes, gifts, everything) in Avignon and I have come to the realization that however impossible it seems I only have 20 school days left in France!!! Before AND after the break!!!!

Good golly miss molly it is just a wonderful day!!!!!!!!!!!! And then next weekend of course is even better!!! I get to visit Gordes and another cute village, play my first soccer game and celebrate easter, meaning I get a three day (basically four) weekend!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!

Now I must go to sleep with a People magazine and let myself melt into trashy bliss and zone out before a good sleep, knock on wood. Then tomorrow....ah god, it is passing so quickly, and in two weeks exactly I shall be leaving for Morocco and then when I come home it is May, who would have thought it would be this way?

I have so much to tell you, so many realizations, so many hard truths and good truths that I have realized that I cannot possibly explain in writing and so I promise you that the minute I see you I will tell you every horrible, good, crazy, psycho, wonderful thoughts I have had and I will explain to you precisely why I hate this exchange and exactly why I absolutely adore it, for its freedoms, its constrictions, its limits that I loathe and yet love, etc. etc.

So much to say and not enough memory. I have plans and goals and dreams and life aspirations that have come from this trip and although it is only half over I must say that it is everything I hoped it would be, everything I hoped it wouldn't be and MORE!!!

Je t'aime et la prochaine!!!!!

JANE <333

I already forgot what I thought I would say but all I wanna do.....

Quick Aside To My Father: Guess The Song?

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So the Aurore situation is in a state of permanant nothingness, it's not great but we are happy when we do have good times and we hang out and have fun together. I am like a permanent moodswing because last time I blogged I was so extremely fachée and now I am all happy and cheery. Perhaps that is because I listened to my iPod while lying down at an upward slant in the empty pool counting all the planes that did not go in the direction of Canada? Or because I have 6 guests coming over to have fun and be fun with me on Saturday? Or because I'm going shopping in my three hour lunch tomorrow with Ceilidh and Kayla? Or because my teachers love me and time is flying and I only have 21 days left of school before I go home to Canada? Or because I'm going to Morocco? Or because I got the highest mark in the class on a French presentation (17/20) ? Anyhow, you get the picture, I am cheery and I have stuff to look forward too!!!!

Hoooboy.......

I have started my "diet" the seefood diet which really is making me quite rotund (joking mumma of course, well a little!!). But that's not really what I want to talk about. I am cheery because of a number of strange things and since I really want to tell someone and everyone thinks I'm strange if I do, I shall say them in this blog because then if you think I'm strange and you say that........nothing much that can be done for another two months!!!! Aaaaah, half done next Thursday!!!

Well, the first cheery Jane moment was last night at soccer when I got my license to play in the game next Saturday (OMG sooooooooooooo excited!!!) and we played in the rain and I played excellente and felt oh so high and mighty, not even coming home to cranky Aurore dampened my spirits. Secondly, I finally orgnaized my bedroom in France and looked through my steadily growing collection of souvenirs. In it, I realized that I have a lot of stuff to decorate (or rather add to the decoration on) my walls and that I keep collecting stuff, like this relatively cheap old posters and movie signs from the 20s and beyond which is going to make my room in canada so impossibly me and the anticipation is making me happy. Thirdly, I am just happy, I have settled into a good night time routine again, I am working on exercising, I am working on being friendly, eating well and doing all my Canadian homework and I am working on all the things I told my good friend in Canada Kay Dyson Tam I would. For instance, I saw and see France as a chance to transform myself into what I truly want to be and I am slowly but surely doing that (away from prying eyes was the goal) and that makes me immensely proud. Fourthly, I just reread my plane letters and my eyes swelled up a little but then I was happy and cheery and laughing again. Fifthly, I have found my groove.........sleeping, soccer, friends, school, Canadian homework, food, exercise. It is falling into place and I cannot even imagine a better moment of realisation. I am happy, the Canadian return things set into place, the anticipation, the Morocco in two weeks, holy moley, and the crazy things that are my everyday life!!! I am wonderful and can honestly say that for the first time, I mean I've been having fun and all but today was an honest to goodness break through and I have faith that I can make the rest just as good and when I fail, which I am bound to, I shall listen to my favourite songs and lean back in my chair and say screw it, I have le soleil and I have music and I have chickens and good food and nobody can take that away from me, atleast not for another six weeks and six days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love you all so very much!!!!!

Jane

ps thinking about youuuuuuuuuuuuuu

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DAD: I didn't really give you much,

it's Get Off by the Dandy Warhols,

listen to it, I do believe that it'll turn

your crank.......cannot believe I just said that!!!

My brain is hanging upside down

So I wrote the other post in the library while I waited a sad and long two hours for the train to come. I waited for one hour in the library and then another at the train station, sitting on the ground in between the passing trains and drawing faces with my sharpie (all of them half sad and half happy if you're interested) and making my face impassive and uninterested as a creepy old men winked and laughed and smoked and shouted unintelligable things at me, god, remind me to never sit for an hour outside of the train station!!!!
I am feeling better, although with A, not so much. She is being a pain, a lound shreaky computer hogging pain and we are rarely speaking. We acknowledge but it is a painful, you're a chore that I must continually do kind of acknowladgement, where does the good go? I am okay with that though, suprisingly, I have made plans with my amigas canadian and have plans almost for every single weekend until I leave and I have lots of energy to throw into homework, email, nice people at school, blogs and keeping myself in a polite, not distant, happy, cheery, thankful mood (when there are people around, on my own......).
Today I watched S21 a documentary about the Red Khmer, which I had never heard of but was interesting and brutal -quite like the holocaust. I didn't understand most of it but the Geo teacher was only too happy to help, she loves me, in the most annoying of ways. I came home today and dug up a story about a Lesbian who is rethinking her Lesbianninity (??) and is setting gay rights back in Georgia by a lot, for my news presentation in English class -in French- demain. Fun fun fun.....Afterwards I was about to go outside when Alix pulled me back in and said you have to stay inside and I said why and she said because I told Inès you couldn't play because you had a lot of work. The story behind that is once Inès (the six year old neighbour) came over to meet me and wound up being taught how to play rummy and now she annoyingly comes over every day and stays for hours requiring constant chatter and hanging off my shoulder until I want to hang....not in a good way. And so instead of playing with Inès all evening I got to be quiet and think about life and France and everything and the diet that I must start (not a rreall diet though) and also to reflect on how I left Canada five weeks ago and the inevitable thought that came to me being a previous two month exchanger (if I had only done the two month it would be half over now!!!!) God, I hate my brain.
I shall leave you now and go read my uber good book that my mommy sent me - thank god its long or it would already be over - and reflect about how much Canadian math I shall do tomorrow!!! God aint life a pain sometimes!!!
I love you all very much, I swear I don't just say it out of habit, three months in France and all I can think of is the people I love who are all snuggly and comfortable back in their native land(s).
<333 JANE

ps those are sideways hearts msn style (or facebook style) if you dont get it - havent been getting it aka mumma when i first did them!!!

A Strong Desire To Commit A Crime Worthy Of Death in The United States of America

So the last time I was in France on exchange I gorged myself on food in happy, oblivious bliss. This time I am less oblivious and lately I have been left (after chocolate, ice cream or a big meal) feeling bloated, gross and with a strong desire to feel healthy again (damn timing, I had just fallen into such a good routine before I left!!). So, I swear - by all of you reading this pathetic excuse for a blog paragraph - that I will be healthy by the time I come home!!!!
Now, onto more non-food oriented things. I am currently feeling a little low. I am writing this at school and I am feeling a strong desire to do something other than boring French classes. I want to move and shop (lame I know) and explore and take pictures and play hackey sack and catch with friends like I did at lunch today. I want to not look forward to solitude, endless hours of music and moments alone with my math textbook (again laaaame). It is starting to go a little bit south and although I am doing just fine (as our my relationships although Aurore and I have settled into hellos and goodbyes and mutual disdain) I am feeling the strain and hating some moments. I am, however, excited for Friday and the weekend and here are my reasons why:

1. The second package will be coming soon.
2. The weekend - duh.
3. I am going shopping around Isle Sur La Sorgue with Ceilidh.
4. Alex, Leo, Alex and Jenny are coming over to eat lunch and hang out.
5. It's April on Sunday. Which is such a morale booster, you wouldn't believe.

So, there is good. I also have started chugging away on my Canadian homework and as slow, monontonous and boring as it is I am having a decent time throwing myself into some work that makes me think without wanting to throw up - for example, in English class repeating the phrase 'I wish the government would help the tramsp' or 'It is a shame the government does not help the tramps' is driving me bananas, that and listening to the song 'In Paradise' by Phil Collins - Last night, was a catastrophy sleeping wise. My uncomfortable but doable sleeping arrangement was disrupted when I couldn't fall asleep until eleven and woke up every fifteen minutes between two am and six thirty am. Sleeping.......not my strong suit.

I now have a desire to go run with my iPod which I shall, at some point, do because a break from endless demands and corrections (this house is never quiet) would be nice for me and it would be a chance to clear my near-explosion head and give me a no language break. A blessing as I can't appear to speak either French nor English at just this moment. Writing.....whole different ball game.

So, mucho love to you all! See you in two months!!

Jane

ps - Marnie and Paul.......congrats on the new house!!!